Sustain Our Ability to Move into Compassionate Action

First, we want to reinforce that it is normal and very human to move into empathic distress. We often come to this work with an immense amount of caring and desire to make a difference in the world. When we care for others, it is common to experience distress, burnout, and fatigue. In those times, we can first honor our own need for self-compassion and self-care. Then, when we are ready, and when (and if) we would like, here are tips to help us shift from distress into compassionate action.

Tip 1: Cultivating our capacity to be present

Laura van Dernoot Lipsky invites us to individually and collectively to cultivate our capacity to be present. One thing that we can do is bring our quality of presence to what we are doing and how we are being [and relating]. 

She shares that from this place of presence it is possible to aspire to:

  1. do no harm
  2. work to transform whatever trauma arises, and
  3. strive to dismantle systems of oppression.1

We don’t do well as humans being stuck in a place of overwhelm—stuck in fight, flight, or freeze. If what we are living with is too much, we begin to carry it within us and lose our ability to shift gears.2 3

Recognizing our responses to stress is the first step to compassion for ourselves (and others). From this place of understanding and self-compassion, we can begin to understand:

What is causing our overwhelm > > work to change what is within our control >> cultivate our capacity to be present.

Paying attention to our sense of overwhelm and distress will help us to ease the burden of overwhelm, restore our perspective, and take action.4

 

These four questions from Laura van Dernoot Lipsky are helpful to reflect on as we feel a sense of overwhelm:5

  1. What does my overwhelm look like?

  2. What is currently causing it?

  3. What are the perceived or actual barriers for tending to my overwhelm?

  4. What is within my control, what choices can I make?

It is important that we stay engaged with our thoughts and feelings as they help us process what we are experiencing. We can then bring awareness to our feelings and transform and integrate them so that they don’t become harmful to ourselves or in our relationships with others.

We can say to ourselves: “I’m having strong feelings right now”. Then, we can ask ourselves: “What can I do to manage and move through these feelings?”  

It’s important to have daily practices that help us transform stress. We can help our body release tension and hormones that accumulate with stress. Click here to reflect on how stress may show up in our bodies.

It’s not about being tough, and committed, and down with your cause. If you are going to be in it for the long haul, you need more than just dedication— you need a daily practice (of self-care).5 Laura van Dernoot Lipsky

Click here for 12 self-care tips for carers — ways to transform compassion fatigue into compassion satisfaction.

Tip 2: Remember why we are doing this work

Before starting your workday, take a moment to literally stop in your tracks and ask yourself, “Why am I doing what I am doing?” After you hear your answer, remind yourself, gently, that you are making a choice to do this work. Take a deep breath; breathe in both the responsibility and the freedom in this acknowledgement.6 Laura van Dernoot Lipsky

Joan Halifax offers a tip: Recall a felt-sense of why we have chosen to help relieve the suffering of others.7

Reflection:

  1. What are our values? Why are we doing this work?

  2. What are our intentions? What are our hopes to help and serve others? 

  3. How do we best open our heart to the world?

  4. What are our commitments to act with integrity to our values?

Here are some additional tools to help us remember why we are doing this work. 

When we have strengthened our capacity to be more fully present and aligned with our values and intentions, we can move more easily into compassionate action. Remembering our values also helps us cultivate more resilience during challenging times.

 

Sources:

  1. Laura van Dernoot Lipsky (2009) Trauma Stewardship: An Everyday Guide to Caring for Self While Caring for Others. Berrett-Koehler Publishers

  2. Laura van Dernoot Lipsky (2019) https://soundcloud.com/wsip/79-dealing-with-overwhelm-in-the-age-of-trump

  3. Stanford University, The Center for Compassion and altruism research and education http://ccare.stanford.edu/

  4. Laura van Dernoot Lipsky, (2018) The Age of Overwhelm: Strategies for the Long Haul. Berrett-Koehler Publishers

  5. Laura van Dernoot Lipsky. Caring for Yourself Means Changing the System. BK Magazine Social Change. https://www.bkconnection.com/bkblog/laura-van-dernoot-lipsky/caring-for-yourself-means-changing-the-system

  6. Laura van Dernoot Lipsky (2009). Trauma Stewardship: An Everyday Guide to Caring for Self While Caring for Others. Berrett-Koehler Publishers p. 150

  7. G.R.A.C.E. is a model created by Roshi Joan Halifax ©2018 Shambhala Publications, Inc.