Lived Experience: Aimee Choi

Read Aimee’s Story

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My name is Aimee Choi. I am 34 years old. I have two children, Anna who is six, and Nelson, who is three. I have been married for nine years. I work as a human resource specialist for a software company. My husband and I both come from big families, and our families also live near us. We are all very close. Or at least we try to be.

The other day, I come home after picking up Anna from school. When I arrive, my mother-in-law is in the kitchen. My husband, Young, begins yelling and berating me. He tells me that I should have left work early so I could make dinner instead of his mother. I apologize and try to explain that if I left work early I could lose my job. Young tells me he wants me to quit my job and that he never wanted me to work. He reminds me that he works as much as he does so that I can be home with our children.

Young tells me I am a bad mother and role model. He says that Anna needs to understand how Korean women are expected to act. Then he starts yelling at Anna to get her brother a drink and to start helping me with dinner. I step in, and quietly tell Anna to go get changed and start her homework in her room and that I can make dinner. Young gets mad and his mother jumps in and starts yelling at me, saying that I am a bad wife and need to take better care of her son and grandson. This infuriates Young even more and he orders me to quit my job. He continues to tell me that if I do not quit my job tomorrow he will take the children away. He says that I will be sorry, very sorry if I do not obey him.

I take both children from the room to the kitchen where I begin to prepare dinner. I leave Young and his mother alone in the living room. This is not the first time he’s done this – we have this conversation often. This is the first time he’s felt like he could do it in front of his mother, though. I don’t know how I will continue to live like this. I have no idea where I can go if I were to leave. There is a lot of shame in leaving the family.